Jokes | in english | funny jokes

According to my parents,
Every problem has only
one solution,
.
.
.
“Just throw away the damn phone” …

                       
                                                 *****

People with “Hey there! I am using whatsapp ” status
.
.
.
.
.
.

are actually Not using WhatsApp...............

                    

                                               *****

Height of flirting of
ENGINEERS
.
.
Teachr: Where is ur Asignmnt
book?
.
.
.
.
Stdnt:Mam, I lost it While
fighting
wid
stdnts who said dat u r not d
most
beautiful
teachr in dis college. =P =D

                                             *****

*Funny Quote*
I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash. -

                                            *****

Hardest thing ever?
.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
.
Controlling your laughter
at serious times :p :D

                                         *****

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Jokes | in english | funny jokes

1999 Kids : I want my bed near Window
to see the moon&stars.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2013 Kids : I want my bed near the
mobile charging slot..... :p

                                                       :p :p :p

Help-desk guy speaking to a lady user …

Help-desk : double click on “My Computer”.
Lady : I can’t see your computer..

Help-desk : No .. Click on “My Computer” on your computer.
Lady : How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer ??? !!

Help-desk : There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on your computer .. double click on it.
Lady : What the hell is your computer doing on my computer ?.....................:D :D

                                                      :p :p :p

As years go,U may loose ur Hair, Teeth &
Eyesight.But not ur Talent, Brightness &
Intelligence.
Bcoz,U can never loose which U don’t have:-D:-P

Short But True !!!

                                                   :p :p :p

My phone just fell down on the floor !!

Is everyone ok in my contact list?

                                                   :p :p :p

Give me some sunshine..!!
.
.
.
.
.Give me some rain..!!
.
.
.
.
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Give me another girlfrnd..!!
.
.
.
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I m single once again..!! :D :v :P

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Jokes | In english | funny jokes

Behind every successful person, there is a…

DEACTIVATED FACEBOOK ACCOUNT… :p

                                                 :o :o :o

Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free Trip around the Sun…

                                                :o :o :o

A girl realizes the pain of Break-up only when
..
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She has to pay the Pizza bill herself..... :p :o

                                               :o :o :o

Tried practicing Fruit Ninja in the kitchen, ended up playing Temple Run with my mom chasing me like an Angry Bird… :o :p

                                               :o :o :o

Saw an ad in the newspaper : Need Accountant, 15000Rs – 20000Rs.
So I called and told them the answer is -5000Rs… :p 

                                               :o :o :o

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Jokes | in english | funny jokes

5 ways for man to be happy with women

1. Be with a women who makes you laugh…

2. Be with a women who gives u her time…

3. Be with a women who takes care of you…

4. Be with a women who really loves you…

5. Finally, make sure these four women don’t know
each other!;) ;p

                                                  :) :) :)



If women ruled the world there would be no wars…

It would just be a group of jealous countries, not talking to each other. ;);p

                                                  :) :) :)

School teacher sent home a note..:..
.
” Your son is an obedient & bright student but spends too much time with girls. ”
.
.
Mother sent a note back:
..
”Please advise a solution!
Father has the same problem. :p”

                                                  :) :) :)

whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there’s an idiot pulling a door that says “PUSH”

                                                 :) :) :)

Someday, if we all go to jail for illegally downloading music, I hope they split us up by music genre… ;p

                                                 :) :) :)

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Jokes | in english |

When Mom wants to find out where I’m in the House,
.
.
.
she simply Turns oFF The Wi-Fi …

Damn! Dis Trick Always Work….. :p :D

                                                    

                                                           *****

When I was kid I was going to change the world. & Today if the remote is on the other end of the couch, I don’t even change the channel…... :P :d

                                                          *****

I love photography because it’s the only hobby where i can shoot people and cut their heads off, without going to jail….... :D :p

                                                         *****

Dad entered son’s room and found him asleep. Walked closer, caressed his hair & BANG slapped his face and said..
Last seen on WhatsApp 1 min ago…  :D 

                                                      *****

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Jokes | in english | funny jokes

According to parents,
Every problem has only
One solution,
.
.
.
.
“Just throw away the phone and cut down the internet connection”:p:D

                                                          *****

Yesterday i named my Wifi ” hack if you can ”
.
.
.
Today when i woke up it was changed to
“challenge accepted”

                                                         *****

Me: Dad can I have 50Rs?

Dad: 40Rs? What do you need 30Rs for?

 20Rs is more than enough!

 Here’s 10Rs now give your brother half...:D  

                                                       *****

21st century kids standing in a museum, looking at a Egyptian mummy with 1227BC written below.

1st kid: What does that mean?

2nd kid: Must be his BBM pin…....... :D ;D

                                                     *****

When Mom wants to find out where I’m in the House,
.
.
.
she simply Turns oFF The Wi-Fi …

Damn! Dis Trick Always Work…... :D ;D

                                                   *****

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Jokes | Santa Banta Jokes | Pge 6

Professor Banta asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...


The Teacher asked all the students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except Banta.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"


Photographer Santa was focusing on the dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all the relatives started beating him - why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

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Jokes | Santa Banta Jokes | Page 5

Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phasi di jayegi.
Santa: Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Santa: Mai to uthta hi subha 9 baje hu!


Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?


Santa invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge Losses.
Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab! 

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Jokes | Santa Banta Jokes | Page 4

Santa - mujhe us ladki se bachao
Banta - kyo?
Santa - jabse maine kaha dil cheer k dekh tera hi naam hoga sali chaku leke piche pad gyi hai.


Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nhi pata.


Santa ki chatri me ched tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mai ched kyu?
Santa bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.

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Jokes | Santa Banta Jokes | Page 3

Santa - mere padosi ka bacha gum ho gaya
Banta - fir kya kiya?
Santa - maine kaha google pe search karlo, mil jaye to download kr lena.


Banta Cigratte pe 2 metre pipe laga kr pe raha tha.
Santa : Tu pipe laga kar cig Q pe raha hai
Banta : Doctor ne kaha, Cigratte-Bidi se dur rehna.


Santa pe bijli ka taar gir gaya.
Santa tarap tarap k marne hi wala tha ki use yaad aya ki bijli to 2 din se band hai....

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Jokes | Santa Banta Jokes | Page 2

Ek baar santa ko koi 8th floor par bulata hai. Jb vo vaha jata hai to flat ke samne likha rehta hai "Santa April Fool"
To Santa likhta hai "Mai to yahan pr aya hi nhi tha."


Santa: Sharab pite pite rone laga
Banta: Kya hua kyo ro rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ki kara jis ladki ko bhulane k liye pi raha tha,uska naam yaad nhi aa raha hai.


Santa to Doctor- apne kaha tha ki subah khelne se sehat thik rehti hai pr muje to koi fark nai pada?
Doctor- konsa game khelteho?
Santa- mobile mai snake wala .

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Jokes | Santa Banta Jokes

SANTA:Lalaji dettol soap hai,
Lala: haan,
Santa: acha vala hai,
Lala: haan,
Santa: achi quality ka hai,
Lala: haan bhai haan,
Santa: thik hai hath dhokar 1 kg aata do..


Santa: oye banta machli khayega?
Banta: nhi yaar usme kaante hote hain.
Santa: oye chadd yaar, chappal pahen ke kha lena.


Santa- kal meri shadi hai aur ladki walo ne kam log bulaye hai.
Banta- to isme problem kya hai?
Santa-pata nhi papa mujhe le jaynge ya nhi.

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